I saw this video on Facebook the other day.
I’m a working mother and it is no surprise that I found this video highly offensive, judgemental, presumptuous, offensive again.. ok I guess we know now which category this post is headed for.
I know a whole lot of women who juggle home, work and motherhood and do an admirable job of it. It is a fact that we cannot do all this without some help. We get our help from our parents, in-laws and sometimes paid help and we’re grateful for it. When we do this, we accept without making a fuss about it that we’re going to be sharing our children with these people. And it’s really not a biggie. The love of children is boundless and flexible like that of a mother’s. Just like you don’t stop loving an older child with the birth of a younger one, your child will not stop loving you because there is one more caregiver in their life.
My older one is too old for this particular rant but when my younger one lists his favourite people, my husband and I top the list just as surely as his nanny makes the top five. She wouldn’t be there taking care of him if she didn’t! Sometimes when I call home from office to ask about his day, he doesn’t want to speak to me. But again on Monday, he does not want his nanny to come home because that means I will be leaving. But when she is leaving for the day, he doesn’t want her to go home either. There is no fuss to make of all this. She goes home because she has her (older) children waiting for her. She spends her day taking care of my child so that her children have a better future but she is as much a working mom as me. She leaves them in the care of someone else too when she comes to my house.
It is not fair to judge her – she is doing this for their good. Me, I’m not so sure. I think I’m doing it for my children’s good too. In this uncertain age, can I leave my job and stay at home? What if my husband is laid off? But an honest part of me stands up to admit that that is not the whole story. I enjoy my job. I enjoy getting up each day and going out to spend the day with grown people working towards a common goal. I don’t often stop to question the worthiness of those goals compared to raising my children. I suspect I might find I enjoy the work regardless of the end goal anyway. I’m quite sure that does not make me a bad mom.
Only being a bad mom would make me a bad mom. And the only people to judge that are my children. No one else, least of all the unknown, generalizing, misogynist who made that video.